Asking Out Lily Evans
by xAndromedaBlackx
Summary: James Potter asks Lily Evans out. She rejects him. The end…or is it? JPLE oneshot, humor. Dialogue. MWPPL era.


**A/N: This story has been edited on October 6th, 2008 T.T  
**

* * *

James: Hey Evans, want to go out with me next Hogsmeade weekend?

Lily: I'm sorry, you've got the wrong Evans.

James: Wait, what?… hey, don't just leave!

* * *

James: Hey Evans, want to go out with me?

Lily: I'd rather spend a day with my sister Petunia.

James: Hey, can I come? Sister-bonding time!

Lily: … Potter, are you implying that you're a girl?

James: What?… No…

Lily: …

* * *

James: Hey Evans, what do you say to a butterbeer at the Three Broomsticks?

Lily: I'd rather live in the Forbidden Forest.

James: Cool! I'll come and protect you!

Lily: I need protection _from_ you.

* * *

James: Evans, my beautiful fiery-haired girlfriend, you have just won a prize: a date with me!

Lily: Potter, my ugly, annoying, arrogant pet peeve, you have just received a rejection.

* * *

James: Evans, how about we go to the top of the Astronomy Tower where—

Lily: I push you off?

* * *

James: Evans, how 'bout a kiss?

Lily: How about _no_?

* * *

James: Evans, I think I'm in love.

Lily: Yes, with your reflection.

* * *

James: Evans, I have been in love with you the moment I set my eyes on you—

Lily: … and so have I.

James: Really?!

Lily: … No.

* * *

James: Evans, how about a date?

Lily: I'd rather stick pins in my eyes.

James: Wouldn't that be rather painful?

Lily: …

* * *

James: Evans, our affection for each other is undeniable.

Lily: That's just undeniably _wrong_.

* * *

James: Evans, our affection for each other is _really_ undeniable.

Lily: …you want to know what actually _is_ really undeniable?

James: Our marriage?

Lily: Me laughing at your death, which will be happening in approximately ten seconds, unless you run. _Now._

* * *

James: Want a kiss, Evans?

Lily: I'd rather kiss a dementor.

James: But then you won't have a soul!

Lily: … At least I won't have to see you all the time.

James: But… b-b-but…

Lily: I was _kidding_, Potter.

James: So you'll kiss me?

Lily: … No.

* * *

James: Evans, you know you want me to go to Hogsmeade with you.

Lily: Actually, I'd rather you just go to Azkaban.

* * *

James: My dear, you look absolutely _brilliant _today—

Lily: Sirius's lines won't work on me, Potter.

James: Damn.

* * *

James: When were you born?

Lily: You know already.

James: Just tell me, when?

Lily: Why?

James: I want to know which day God worked the hardest.

Lily: …

James: Evans?

Lily: When were _you_ born, Potter?

James: What? Why?

Lily: I want to know what day God slacked off.

* * *

James: Do you have any raisins?

Lily: No… why?

James: How about a date?

Lily: You'll find one shoved up your arse within the next two minutes.

* * *

James: My darling, where have you been all my life?

Lily: I don't know, but I wish I were still there.

* * *

James: Were you arrested earlier?

Lily: No.

James: …You're supposed to ask me why, Evans, _why_ did I ask that… Hey! Come back!

* * *

James: Does it hurt to burn all the time?

Lily: _What?!_

James: You have to be on fire, you're so hot.

Lily: …

James: Evans?

Lily: Does your face hurt?

James: No, why?

Lily: Because it's sure hurting me.

* * *

James: Don't be shy, Evans, ask me out.

Lily: Okay, get _out_!

* * *

James: Do you know any healing charms?

Lily: Why, Potter?

James: Because I just scraped my knee falling for you.

Lily: …well, you won't have to worry about that in a moment, because you'll be too busy worrying about how I'm going to kill you, besides ripping you to shreds and hanging your body parts in the Great Hall with your intestines.

James: Does that mean you'll go out with me?

Lily: …

* * *

James: Hey, Evans, what's your sign?

Lily: Do not enter.

* * *

James: Hey Evans, why do I have the feeling I've seen you before?

Lily: You have, and that's why I don't go there anymore.

* * *

James: Evans, want to go snog in a broom closet?

Lily: No. Potter, you know I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.

* * *

James: Evans, want to go to Hogsmeade with me?

Lily: If I had a Knut for every time you asked me out, I would have more money than what is in the Potter and Malfoy vaults combined together.

James: Ew, are you implying that I should get together with Malfoy?! That's just gross!!

Lily: …

* * *

Ten Months Later…

Lily: Uh… hi, James.

James: Oh, hey, Lily. What's up?

Lily: Well, I was wondering…

James: Yes?

Lily: Why haven't you been asking me out lately?

James: Oh, well, I decided you didn't like it. So I stopped. Why, you don't actually like it, do you?

Lily: Y—I mean, no, of course not.

James: Oh, OK.

Lily: Well, I was wondering…

James: Yes?

Lily: Would you like to…

James: Would I like to what?

Lily: Would you like to go out with me sometime to Hogsmeade?

James: You mean, like on a date?

Lily: Well… yeah.

James: Evans, I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.

Lily: Oh, OK. No problem. I'll be… going now.

James: Wait, Evans, come back! I was just joking, come back! EVANS!!

* * *

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